Several private comments have been too good not to share. While it certainly makes sense to me to replace this scimitar-shaped nose with one that, you know, resembles my old nose, a few readers have suggested that I at least take a glance at the menu. As such, it makes sense to review an oft-overlooked […]
Several private comments have been too good not to share. While it certainly makes sense to me to replace this scimitar-shaped nose with one that, you know, resembles my old nose, a few readers have suggested that I at least take a glance at the menu. As such, it makes sense to review an oft-overlooked topic…
GREAT…
NOSES…
IN…
BASEBALL!!!!!
First up is Ernie Lombardi, hall of fame catcher for the Cincinatti Reds. Nicknamed “Schnozz,” he is as famous for his enormous nose as he is for his prodigious hitting talent and his breathtaking lack of footspeed.
Next is Don Mossi, nicknamed “the Sphinx,” of whom Bill James had the best line: “Don Mossi was the complete five-tool ugly player. He could run ugly, hit ugly, throw ugly, field ugly and ugly for power. He was ugly to all fields. He could ugly behind the runner as well as anybody, and you talk about pressure … man, you never saw a player who was uglier in the clutch.” The only problem with Mossi is that his impressive honker is overshadowed by his brobdingnagian ears.
Andy Etchebarren is really more of just an “all-ugly” team guy than a truly remarkable honker, but I thought he deserved mention, if only because in 1966 he finished in the top ten in the AL in strikeouts, walks, and hit by pitch.
Now we’re talking. NO-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Man, I miss that dude and his incredible schnozzle. I wanted to get him in a Red Sox jersey, but I thought the hat was a nice touch. I think if I had to choose one ballplayer’s nose to replace my own, I would go with Nomar’s, provided that it came with some of his talent and none of his durability.
Wow… Not only is Honus Wagner proof that massive nostril boxes are common among great shortstops (too many bad hops?), he’s also proof that early baseball card manufacturers attempted to shield consumers from the ghastly images of their less attractive baseball heroes. Seriously, comparing the card on the left with the actual picture on the right convinces me that artists renditions in the early 1900s were the equivalent of soft lighting and lens blur.
I’m not sure if we can evaluate Daryl Strawberry’s nose on a level playing field against players in pre-cocaine eras. It’s just not fair.
You can’t discuss great baseball noses without wrapping up with Joe Torre, the most-picked nose on FOX over the past ten years. And yes, that’s from the 2004 ALCS, or at least I’m going to do what I do with every Joe Torre picture and pretend that it is. Always puts a little hop in my step.
As always, reader suggestions are welcome!